News Flash – Tights Are NOT Pants!

24 05 2010

I have never been what anyone would call trendy or stylish. I have always had far too imperfect a figure to try to emulate the “perfect” specimens in Vogue – specimens that magazine editors still feel the need to Photoshop nearly to the point of being unrecognizable. My mission when buying clothes is to simply find something that fits right and that’s hard enough. I’m sure there are some of you who know how I feel. It is my chronic lack of personal style that keeps me mute on the topic of fashion… usually. I have, however, reached the point at which even I feel the need to speak out for I have seen one too many nylon-encased buttocks being openly displayed. Women of the world take note –

TIGHTS ARE NOT PANTS!!!!!


They are similar to pants. Almost pants. The ghost of pants, if you will, but they are not to the bum-covering or bum-supporting caliber of pants. Yes, I said bum-supporting and, unless you are as fit as is humanly possible, and cellulite-free, and are under thirty, and have never even thought of birthing children, your butt benefits from the shape-assisting support of proper pants. The never-ending quest for the perfect pair of jeans stems from the fact that a good-looking butt is generally a well-supported butt.

The issue of bum coverage is two-fold. The first has to do with opacity. You cannot see through pants. This is not always true with tights. We all have those people who we are or have been close enough to that they know what kind of underwear we prefer – friends we shop with, obviously significant others past and present have a clue, roommates, ect… – but everyone in the mall/grocery store/city doesn’t know you like that, so it’s just awkward.
The second issue is one public vs. private interest. Almost no one wants to know every topographical detail of your ass, especially if they don’t know your name. Your doctor doesn’t want to know that much about your ass. Please, keep the dimples and jiggle to yourself. If you’re wearing underwear, I don’t want to see it. If you’re not wearing underwear, I don’t want to know and I really don’t want to see it. Believe it or not, I’m not alone in feeling this way. There are plenty of people who have no desire to have advanced knowledge of the muscle tone you have (or have not) achieved in your gluteal region and those that are interested aren’t going to want to have that information shared with the rest of the world. They want to feel special.
Tights are great when worn properly – i.e. not as pants. They’re great under dresses, skirts, and oversized shirts as long as they cover your butt as opposed to making it a billboard for Victoria’s Secret… or your local gym… or a strip club… or McDonald’s.

One final note for those of you who think I’m totally off-base here. Remember, it’s not just svelte twenty-somethings and college sorority girls who have adopted this pants-less look. I saw a woman who had to be pushing sixty walking around like this as well as gaggle of girls who were maybe – maybe – fourteen. It’s gross.

:Rant Complete:

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“Great” Moments In Modern Politics – the Good, the Bad, and the WTF of Political Photos – Part 2 The Bad – Bad Behavior Edition

13 05 2010

I’ve given the politicians a break these last few weeks, but I’m now back once again for a chuckle at their expense. These time we’re looking at those moments when they forgot cameras exist.

Hand Gestures
Because sometimes we all just feel like flipping somebody off.

Dubya

Karl Rove

Rahm Emanuel

Pickin’ Fights
You try to behave but then somebody starts trouble…


“Say what?”

and it gets to you. You start to get angry.


“Grrrrr!”

They keep talking. They’re ruining your image with the ladies…


*whisper, whisper…*

and you’re getting even angrier.


“GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!”

They get in your way…

and you’re ready to fight.


“Put ’em up!”

All hell breaks loose.

And then…

you’re butt gets kicked.

Who thought giving her a bat was a good idea anyway?!

Lovin’ the Ladies
These guys have no shame!

And while we’re on this subject, what is the deal with Hillary Clinton and all these men recently? Am I the only one who remembers when the very mention of her name supposedly sent men the world over running for the hills protectively clutching their “gentleman berries”? How times do change.


This is actually a bigger deal than it looks since the Secretaries of State and Defense traditionally can’t stand being in the same room with each other.


To be fair, she does tend to make a face that resembles one that would usually accompany a pinch to the derriere, but this one with Pennsylvania governor Ed Rendell just seems a little to suspect to me.


Where’s the Secret Service or is there some sort of diplomatic immunity for patting the US Secretary of State on the behind? Haven’t wars been started over less? I have to be honest, I think this picture is quite funny as illustrated here and here.


😯 Wh, wh, what?! 😯

I don’t get it. Ever since I was small, this woman has been called everything but attractive. She hits her sixties, runs for president, loses, and now this?! I don’t know whether to feel nauseous or optimistic.


This is more like the coverage of her that I’ve become used to.

Well, that does it for shots that are merely bad.

Next, stop the magical land of WTFs. (By the way, that’s Dubya and Vladimir Putin in the little car.)





“Great” Moments in Modern Politics – EPIC FAIL!!!!

4 03 2010

I was trying to put together a serious post about Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton. I might write one at some point, but today was not that day. Why? Because, in my search for photos for a post about Secretary Clinton I found this… (It’s also discussed HERE in case you’re interested.)

FAIL!

Diplomatic FAIL!

…and thought it was too funny to pass up. Apparently, this guy fully intended to get to the bottom of things! How does one say “Get your hand off my ass!” diplomatically?

Cheap jokes, I know! Sorry.

Now, I realize that these types of photos are usually not as they appear – camera angle, lighting, ect… – but this one is certainly one of the more convincing ones not to mention it’s nearly impossible to imagine anyone having the nerve to stand next to Secretary of State Clinton and cop a feel. On the off-chance this did happen, I’m sure it was accidental, but it’s still amusing. Also, I don’t find this the slightest bit sexist. I think it would be just as funny if the butt-pat recipient were a guy. If it were Bill Clinton, news anchors the world over would be laughing about it for months.

In case you’re wondering, the fellow in the picture’s name is Brian Cowen and he is the Prime Minister of Ireland. Here is what he looks like from the front.

Is it just me or does he look a bit like Peter Griffin?

Still, if there is an upside to this for Secretary Clinton, it’s that the US press could not have cared less about her in October, when this occurred, and she was therefore spared the chore of being the butt (no pun intended) of the late shows’ jokes. Sorry, David Letterman. Sorry, Jay Leno. Better luck next time! I’m sure former president Bill Clinton had a good laugh at it, though, if he saw the photo. He doesn’t strike me as much of the jealous type.