And the Dumbass Award Goes to… The Naked WikiLeaker Guy

I’ll get back to posting about admirable women later today, but I need to indulge my bruised self-esteem for a moment. Anyone who’s been reading this blog for any length of time knows that things don’t tend to go my way. For those of you who are new I’m overweight, unemployed, living at home, and am extremely pessimistic about much of that changing in the foreseeable future. That kind of outlook can make anyone depressed, but occasionally something happens to reminds me that I am, in fact smarter than some people. When it’s on the comic side, I share it. Such was the case today as I, feeling rather nauseous and “blue” (which, as a synesthete, is actually a warm-tone grey for me, but if I say “I feel grey,” no one knows what I’m talking about), I came across this article from Politico. apparently, Bradley Manning, the Marine Pfc. that is facing preliminary charges in the case of that massive load of State Dept. cables which found their way to WikiLeaks several months ago, decided that a military prison was a good place to have an attitude. The article cites a blog post made by Manning’s attorney, David Coombs, as saying that, in response to being told that his being held in isolation stemmed from that possibility that he would harm himself, Pfc. Manning sarcastically stated that, if he wanted to hurt himself, he could do so with the elastic from his underwear or his flip-flops or just about anything. Well, those in charge took him at his word and now he has to seven hours (overnight) naked for his own safety.

Now, I don’t condone any inhumane treatment of anyone. There will be a trial and a verdict because that is how we dispense justice in this country. I’m not bothered by this though, because what he did is one of the stupidest things I have ever heard of. Saying “I could kill myself with with my underoos if I wanted to,” while in prison and after having been deemed a risk to your safety is right up there on the Idiot Meter with saying “Pardon me, sir, but could you be more gentle? I have an explosive in my rectum at the moment,” to a TSA screener. You will regret that statement in a big, bad, possibly painful way. Those with a duty to protect people have to take these things seriously no matter how asinine they may seem because that’s their job. If he had meant what he said and had made a suicide attempt or hurt himself in some other way there would be an outcry over why this statement wasn’t dealt with seriously. You just don’t make jokes about that kind of stuff in those places unless you want to cause a problem for yourself. This is self-inflicted indignity. This guy decided he’d show those dumb jailers the supreme intellect with which they are dealing… and he got owned because they did their job and took him at his word. He was literally asking for it.

I confer upon Pfc. Bradley Manning the title of World-Class Dumbass for thinking that sarcasm and a feeling of superiority were the way to improve his time in Quantico. Thank you for making my life seem a little better today and for making me laugh.

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Because Glenn Beck Makes Me Think of Impending Doom

I really don’t like Glenn Beck. That probably comes as no surprise seeing as the things he says are destroying the country – namely secularism, cosmopolitanism, liberalism, not feeling bad – even feeling proud – about being smarter than a jar of mayonnaise, and a healthy wariness of unbridled, unregulated corporate power – are things which I tend to support. My issue is not that he thinks that people who think the way I do hate their country (not true) and desperately what to turn the country communist (I do not), fascist (nope), or simply reduce it to a lawless, fiery hub of despair (Not even close) or the fact that he spouts this stuff on TV every day while simultaneously insisting that all other news sources are in on the plot and are therefore not to be trusted. My issue is that he’s mainstreaming ideas that, five years ago, would have been considered tinfoil-hat-level crazy. It reached its zenith for me when he started insisting that these popular uprisings for democracy and freedom – ideas I thought the US supported – was actually a signal that the end of the world as described in the Bible is near because those asking for freedom and greater say in the government pray facing Mecca. Yes, ready your survival rations, convert all your money to gold, build a bunker, and pray (in an all-American, judeo-christian way, of course) like your afterlife depends on it because the end of the world is coming! That used to get TV people fired, now it’s all good. A little doomsday theory with your dinner, Ma’am?

So I started to think about what I would need to sustain myself in case of a tea-people revolt, or a ninja attack, or the coming of judeo-christian God into my happy secular world with the intention of kicking my heathen hiney. (Because obviously the thing to do when dealing with something this “out there” is to make a list.) It’s sort of the whole “what would you take with you to a deserted island’ thing on steroids. I’m assuming I have to be alone. Stranger still are the answers I came up with:

• Astronaut ice cream. Remember that? The stuff you used to get at the Science Museum? Seems like good survival food.
• Cheese curls.
• Chocolate. Specifically Cadbury Dairy Milk and Flake bars and Ghirardelli dark chocolate – the darker the better.
• A wide variety of fruits.
• The ability to get tri-state area, “good” pizza, and other food delivered.
• Dunkin’ Donuts coffee on tap.
• Peach Ramune.
• Apple cider.
• Patrón. 😀 (Olé!)
• As for non-edibles, I’d need a well equipped iPad 2. That’s my books, video games, music, and just about everything else. I’ll assume there’s internet access wherever I’m hiding – hiding while getting pizza and wings delivered and drinking tequila. Sounds like college.

So, in the event the four horsemen of the apocalypse show up, I’m apparently going to spend that last scraps of my life getting in touch with my geekdom. Yes, it’s completely random and makes little sense. That is how I process this nonsense that is taken as granite hard fact by many in this country. A dozen years ago when people started squawking about the world ending in the year 2000, everyone recognized that as a bit nutty and moved on. This guy says it now and people store food reserves. And if you say “Hmm, I think I smell some bullfunky here, then you’re one of ‘them’ – one of those country-destroyers.” The mainstreaming of fear and ideas that used to be the fringiest of the fringe and making people frightened not only of the future, but of a significant portion of the country’s population day in and day out is why I don’t like Glenn Beck.

And the moral of this story? Don’t over-analyze things which every brain cell you have is telling you are bat shit crazy. You’ll come up with something annoying and asinine.

Oh, come on, this post was begging for a picture of someone in a tinfoil hat.

Another Gold Star For a Government Official

I saw this video posted here and I felt it was time to give out another gold star.

Hillary Rodham Clinton is not accustomed to things not going her way. That’s not me being insulting or anything like that, it’s fact. Just look at her history. Pretty much everything she’s attempted has worked out for her with the exception of her messy marriage and she and her husband seem to have sorted that out, too. It takes two people to make or break one of those and, from what little she’s said on the subject, she’s content with what she’s got in that department. As of her appointment as President Obama’s Secretary of State, she had amassed enough money and clout to ensure that she will in all likelihood be pleased with most aspects of her life from here on out.
The one big thing that she tried and failed to accomplish was to be elected president in 2008. The fact that she’s in his cabinet is not the issue here. The issue is that wherever she goes, even out of the country (this video was taken in the Republic of Georgia) she is reminded of that failure and instead of trying to avoid the questions about what working for the man who defeated her is like, she takes on the topic with grace and, in the process manages to point out some of the finer elements of democracy and the US system of governing. That’s a lot to pack into a minute. Furthermore, this is a conversation she has had before and will continue to have over and over, probably as long as she is in her current position as Secretary of State. Four years is a long time to be repeatedly reminded about your biggest failure.

That type of grace is lacking in politics everywhere. It’s not just Republicans. It’s not just Democrats. It’s not just the tea party people. It isn’t just the US either – ever seen some of the crazy shit that goes on in the parliamentary sessions of other countries? No, well, here you go.

*BEWARE – F-bombs dropped at the end.*

And, because everything is funnier when you add the Benny Hill theme, there’s this.

Yes, CSPAN would be a hell of a lot more entertaining if our House and Senate were like this, but I think graciousness is a quality that trumps my amusement when it comes to sorting out the country in which I reside and its relationship with the rest of the world. So, for combining lessons on democracy, fair elections, duty, and not being a sore loser, Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton gets a gold star

Academic Amusement – www.funnyexam.com

While the format leaves something to be desired, http://www.funnyexam.com is a riot. It’s a collection of anonymous, funny answers to test questions – the kind you give when you have no idea what the answer is are hoping to get a point or two on creativity and desperation alone. There are a bunch of them, but I’ve collected some highlights.

Yeah, everybody knows that what is illustrated here is the Fratparty-Kegger Theory.

ROAR!

That’s correct.

Well…

…

Inspired!

I did stuff like that a couple of times.

Effort – FAIL!

Yes boys and girls, babies come from the Pink Panther.

Yum!

I did stuff like this a couple of times too. Math and science weren’t my thing.

The Force will be with you always.

And, as every young smart ass knows, after hilarity comes detention…

even if you’re Superman.

Bon Voyage, Team USA!

The US World Cup team visited the White House today for a meeting with President Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, and former President Bill Clinton who is Honorary Chairman of the USA Bid for the 2018 or 2022 World cup. (I posted about it here.) They posed for pictures under the North Portico. Truthfully, I have very little faith in our team’s chances – their first match is against England on June 12th – but I wish them all the best of luck even though I will be cheering, quite loudly as a matter of fact, for Italy. Joe Biden is planning to be at their first game and President Obama says he’ll be watching on TV. So, what stunning world of wisdom did Mr. Clinton have to impart on this occasion? He said he liked the team’s tan dress shoes. *Sigh*

Here is an article about the event and I’ve found a video of the send-off.

And, since I love pictures, I’ve found some of the event… and the shoes.

And, as promised, the shoes that all the boys in DC are talking about.

“Great” Moments in Modern Politics – Hillary Meets Haibao

Usually I have to find awkward pictures for these posts. This week the photo gods smiled at me.

Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton has a very important job which takes her all over the world to meet with world leaders… and, apparently, chubby, blue mascots. While visiting The World Expo 2010 in Shanghai, Secretary Clinton met the mascots, called Haiboa, and posed for some pictures.

The fellow with her is Shanghai mayor Han Zheng.

While collecting photos, I found this one and had to share it as well because I love it. It’s like Where’s Waldo – Foreign Policy Edition.

The lighter side of international diplomacy.

Because the World Cup is About to Start – Great Soccer Pics – Politicians

It almost World Cup time and I cannot wait. I love it. I have created my first of at least two soccer picture montages. Here is what passes for soccer in the political sphere. Some do better than others.

Nelson Mandela

Pictured here in Switzerland in 2004 after the announcement of South Africa winning the bid to host the 2010 World Cup.

Gordon Brown

For someone who always looks like he’s about to fall asleep, he does alright.

Barack Obama

OK, so he’s no Pele. At least he gives it a try.

Michelle Obama

Looks to have more soccer skills than her husband.

Dmitri Medvedev

Not too bad.

David Cameron

He seems to be settling in nicely.

Nicolas Sarkozy

He always looks a little awkward.

Evo Morales

The President of Bolivia actually plays on a local team.

Angela Merkel

Apparently quite the fan, Angela Merkel was quoted in the lead up to the 2006 World Cup as saying that she “had arranged her schedule so that she could watch any match Germany plays, including the final.” Hmmmm… yeah… about that… VIVA AZZURRI!

Tony Blair

Looks good by politician standards… until he tries to kick a ball.

The G5

Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, Mexican President Felipe Calderon, Brazilian President, Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, South African President Jacob Zuma, and Chinese State Counsellor Dai Bingguo pose with autographed Brazilian national team jerseys.

Joe Biden

He looks lost – like someone handed him that ball and said “Here, hold this and smile.” Still, he gets credit from this soccer fan for even being there. I don’t see Rahm Emanuel, Janet Napolitano, Hillary Clinton, or anyone else in the administration out there, do you? Incidentally, I will be very disappointed if someone doesn’t pick up a soccer ball – or better yet, kick it – for a photo-op between now and the end of the World Cup.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

Because idiots play, too.

Silvio Berlusconi

He can give soccer part of the credit for being in office today. He’s President of AC Milan – a well-known team even here in the US – and used the name recognition it gave him to launch a political career which has now made him President of Italy.

Bill Clinton

Pictured here in 1997 getting a lesson from Brazilian soccer legend Pelé. He looks very silly, but he gets credit for trying and also for trying to bring the 2018 or 2022 World Cup to the US. Here is a post I wrote about that very thing.

Dubya

Dubya knows next to nothing about soccer and, for a refreshing change from the actions of politicians in general, he’s totally honest. He was quoted as saying “[A] lot of us grew up not knowing anything about soccer, like me. I never saw soccer as a young boy. We didn’t play it where I was from. It just didn’t exist.” Thanks for being upfront about it, Dubya!

Uhhhh… that’s the wrong sport! Hey, has Dick Cheney been giving you golf lessons again?

I Never Though I’d Say This, But I Could Hug Bill Clinton

I could hug Bill Clinton right now.

Allow me to explain.

Bill Clinton has been named the Honorary Chairman of the USA Bid to host the World Cup in either 2018 or 2022. Here is an article from the New York Observer with the particulars. He announced his chairmanship (honorary though it is) at the FC Harlem soccer facility in Harlem, NY after a soccer clinic for local children was given by Juan Pablo Angel of the New York Red Bulls. In answer to the obvious question, yes, Bill Clinton, the aging, white-haired former president did in fact kick a few soccer balls and, according to the reporter for the Observer, looked at one point “like an excited but debonair flamingo.” I would’ve paid to see that. Here are a few pictures from the event.

Some slight “flamingo-ness” there or maybe just a Monty Python imitation.

For lending his name to the cause of bringing the World Cup here to the US, I would give Bill Clinton a hug. Of course, I’d also have to hug Henry Kissinger, Drew Carey, and New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg among others, but it’s for a good cause, so hugs all around! Here is the website where you can sign the petition to try and bring the 2018 or 2022 World Cup to the US. Also, there are 22 days left until the 2010 World Cup begins in South Africa. (Viva Italia!)

I actually don’t think the former president would be put off by the offer of a hug…

but…

I wouldn’t want to cross her. Would you? I think not.

Nope, Bill Clinton gets no hugs.

One of Those Things That Just Begs to be Shared

We all have our vices – some more than others – and one of mine is ihasahotdog.com. This is one of my favorites.

see more dog and puppy pictures
Yes, for those with sharp eyes, that is a Shiba Inu, the same breed as Tosca.

“Great” Moments In Modern Politics – the Good, the Bad, and the WTF of Political Photos – Part 2 The Bad – Bad Behavior Edition

I’ve given the politicians a break these last few weeks, but I’m now back once again for a chuckle at their expense. These time we’re looking at those moments when they forgot cameras exist.

Hand Gestures
Because sometimes we all just feel like flipping somebody off.

Dubya

Karl Rove

Rahm Emanuel

Pickin’ Fights
You try to behave but then somebody starts trouble…

“Say what?”

and it gets to you. You start to get angry.

“Grrrrr!”

They keep talking. They’re ruining your image with the ladies…

*whisper, whisper…*

and you’re getting even angrier.

“GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!”

They get in your way…

and you’re ready to fight.

“Put ’em up!”

All hell breaks loose.

And then…

you’re butt gets kicked.

Who thought giving her a bat was a good idea anyway?!

Lovin’ the Ladies
These guys have no shame!

And while we’re on this subject, what is the deal with Hillary Clinton and all these men recently? Am I the only one who remembers when the very mention of her name supposedly sent men the world over running for the hills protectively clutching their “gentleman berries”? How times do change.

This is actually a bigger deal than it looks since the Secretaries of State and Defense traditionally can’t stand being in the same room with each other.

To be fair, she does tend to make a face that resembles one that would usually accompany a pinch to the derriere, but this one with Pennsylvania governor Ed Rendell just seems a little to suspect to me.

Where’s the Secret Service or is there some sort of diplomatic immunity for patting the US Secretary of State on the behind? Haven’t wars been started over less? I have to be honest, I think this picture is quite funny as illustrated here and here.

😯 Wh, wh, what?! 😯

I don’t get it. Ever since I was small, this woman has been called everything but attractive. She hits her sixties, runs for president, loses, and now this?! I don’t know whether to feel nauseous or optimistic.

This is more like the coverage of her that I’ve become used to.

Well, that does it for shots that are merely bad.

Next, stop the magical land of WTFs. (By the way, that’s Dubya and Vladimir Putin in the little car.)